The fact that alcoholism is a very difficult pathology is known to many, however, there is another category of people who do not drink, but who have co-dependence with the alcoholic. These include spouses, children or parents of an alcoholic and other household members. What is codependency and why does it develop?
Co-dependence on alcoholism
Co-dependence is usually considered a condition characterized by the presence of excessive absorption or concern, unbreakable emotionally, socially or physically dependent dependence on the drinking person. Like alcoholism, co-dependence needs recognition by the patient, only then it can be cured.
In essence, a person who admits that the behavior of an alcohol dependent family member influences him is considered a co-dependent person. Also in the category of co-addicted are people who are concerned about the fact that the life of an alcohol dependent is under their control. This is an extremely serious condition, so these patients also need to be treated.
The syndrome of codependence assumes a state where the whole life of the household revolves around one person - a chronic alcoholic. His relatives take care of him, eliminate the problems that he arranged during the next binge, and then justify the alcohol-dependent family member before acquaintances or colleagues. Often, this behavior is due to the reluctance to take the problem out of the house, however, this approach only aggravates the situation. After all, the alcoholic does not have any responsibility, for him all the problems are solved by the household.
Features of co-dependent behavior
Co-dependence on alcoholism of a loved one is manifested by the adaptation to his illness, loss of his own importance and dignity. The peculiarity of co-dependent behavior and its consequence is the fact that instead of curing the alcoholic, the dependence progresses.
Sometimes the situation goes to the point of absurdity - an alcoholic at the use of alcohol accuses a co-dependent that he has allowed him to drink. In other words, an alcohol dependent shifts the burden of responsibility to co-dependent loved ones. When alcoholism is always there are quarrels, abuse and family scandals, in which the alcoholic also accuses domestic people. And yet such a scandal becomes an excuse for him that he drank, because he was nervous, angry, "driven", etc.
And if the co-dependent constantly summarizes the problem "we have already tried everything," instead of "he tried, but he could not give up", the alcoholic is removed from the problem, considering that his dependence is a common problem of the whole family, and not just his difficulty.
On the video about what codependency is and how it manifests itself:
Psychological model of
Co-dependency in the case of a drinking household is based on the psychological behavioral model "victim-pursuer-savior."
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And the co-dependent can try on any of these roles. It looks something like this:
- The victim feels pleasure from the pity of acquaintances and friends who constantly play the role of "vest" listening to a complaint about a drunken drunkard.
- The persecutor is obsessed with the idea of curing an alcoholic, and the co-dependent tries to achieve this through constant intimidation, threats or physical violence.
- The role of the savior appears to be co-dependent in that the alcoholic needs rescue, and the real help turns out to be minimal doses, so that the alcoholic depends on the rescuer.
A similar picture in the family, when one is an alcoholic, and the second is constantly trying to cure him and save him, speaks of the need for treatment for both members of the family. A co-dependent person needs to understand that alcohol dependence is a serious disease that needs treatment, not re-education of the patient. Thus, alcoholics need the help of a narcologist, and a co-dependent psychiatrist. They both also need psychological counseling to establish relationships and adjust behavior patterns.
Psychological model of codependence:
Manifestations of
The presence of codependence is indicated by such signs:
- The need for control and guardianship of an alcohol dependent. As a result, he develops persistent irresponsibility and lack of ability to take independent actions.
- Tolerance is developed for the antics of the alcoholic, his actions and drunken scandals.
- The problem of codependency is denied.
- There is a feeling that a relative drinks on your fault, personal self-esteem is reduced.
- About co-dependence, and ignoring their own needs, losing control over their own lives and destiny.
- Often co-addicts fall into depression, they have suicidal thoughts.
- Such people do not want to monitor themselves, they can not communicate with others.
- The family becomes isolated from the society, because it is not known how to invite anyone or go alone - it is not known what the alcoholic will throw out this time.
- Co-dependence manifests itself and apathy, obsessive thoughts and excessive tearfulness.
- Co-dependent often instead of pronouns like "he", "his", "I" generalizes himself with the alcoholic "we", "us", etc. For example, "we have already tried everything" or "we have been digging" etc.
- Codependentsconstantly remain in a state of excessive anxiety, even when there are no reasons for unrest. They simply subconsciously expect that the native person will get drunk again.
- With personal quarrels with an alcoholic, the co-dependent usually shows violent emotions, threatens, demonstratively pours alcohol into the sink, teaches, etc. It may well come to a scuffle, however, if others start shouting and punishing the alcoholic, the co-dependent zealously protects the alcohol addict, even if givenvery weighty arguments.
- "Sacrifice".A similar sign is manifested in a constant self-pity, the co-dependent always tells everyone how difficult it is for him to live with an alcoholic. On the advice to go and get a divorce there is a reaction like "who needs it", "dies without me", etc. Sometimes there is a fear of being alone, because an alcoholic, no matter what, is always there, he needs care and help.
All the above signs of codependence have a completely logical explanation - their nature lies in a kind of defensive reaction based on an unrestrained desire to help someone close under the influence of alcohol.
Treatment of
Co-dependence, like alcoholism, is difficult to treat. One of the problems of therapy of such conditions is the fact that neither a co-dependent nor an alcoholic usually recognizes the presence of abnormalities, respectively, they do not ask how to get rid of this condition. If the alcoholic attributes his abuse of alcohol to harmless hobbies, the co-dependent explains his behavior with a natural concern for the near and willing to help and support him. Therefore, the recognition of your disease is the first and most important step to getting rid of codependence.
After this, the patient is provided with psychological help to overcome codependence, which includes:
- Individual psychological sessions;
- Training in self-healing methods and preventing the emergence of stress;
- Group lessons;
- Communication with patients with a similar problem;
- Learning to achieve inner peace and harmonious coexistence;
- Help in reviewing and seeing family problems in a completely different perspective, the codependant will see and understand how the problem looks from the outside and how to behave with an dependent relative.
A co-dependent needs to get rid of guilt, one can not believe in the promise of an alcoholic about parting with an addiction at the first desire. You can not justify the actions of an alcoholic, try to treat it yourself or just wait for it to dissolve by itself. It will not happen. Categorically it is inadmissible to solve the problems of the alcohol dependent, caused by drinking. Such an attitude towards the problem will lead to the transition of alcoholism to a more complex stage, which will only aggravate the picture of the disease. Observing such simple rules one can avoid the development of codependence or overcome it.
Today, quite often practice simultaneous treatment and co-dependent, and alcoholic. This approach significantly increases the effectiveness of therapy. Treatment-psychiatric activities are distributed so that the co-dependent and alcoholic communicate less, that is, the possibility to continue to maintain a co-dependent relationship is excluded. As a result, after the end of therapy( if it met expectations), the co-dependent becomes self-sufficient and confident person, person. To treat the alcoholic again did not break, with him should live just such a self-sufficient person, fully confident.
On the video about the treatment of codependence and alcoholism: