Life next to an alcoholic turns into a nightmare. Endless quarrels, fights, reproaches, police calls, booze. All the time you wonder: in what condition will a close person come. Even the strongest organism can not be constantly in nervous tension. People who live near a drinker begin to experience codependence. What it is? Alcoholic codependence is a psychological condition. With codependence, everything is subject to the wishes and whims of the alcoholic. They take care of him, justify drunken antics with outsiders, solve problems. If you have co-dependence with alcoholism, then how to get rid of it? Let's try to understand.
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Signs of codependence
There are 8 attributes of codependence. In a family where there are even 2 signs, this dependence already exists. How it manifests itself:
- The presence in the speech of the spouse, children, parents of the alcoholic turnover as "we all tried", "nothing helps us".
- The total control over the alcoholic is established. Daily checking of pockets, bags, phone, endless inquiries about the location.
- A heightened sense of anxiety or even panic.
- Fear of blaming friends, neighbors, surrounding society.
- Decision making for a drinking family member.
- Excessive pity for a lover to drink( "he will die without me," "who besides me").If, after a demonstrative call to the police during the scandal, the co-dependent then takes it from the site.
- The fear of loneliness.
- Stormy expression of emotions. A co-dependent person can pour alcohol in sight of the drinker;screaming that he would leave if he did not quit drinking.
These tactics of the behavior of the co-dependent will not lead to the expected result. People who have the above symptoms will only make the home environment worse. We will understand what awaits such a family.
Consequences of codependence
It is important to remember a simple truth: co-dependence on alcoholism will not reduce craving for the bottle. It only contributes to the progression of the disease. A drinking member of a family who sees such behavior of loved ones only reduces self-esteem even more. The inability to make decisions themselves because of the hyper-control of a co-dependent person will lead only to a greater use of alcohol. So it is more convenient to live!
Important! If you do not fight with codependence, then such a family will sooner or later cease to exist.
The state of codependence not only exacerbates the problem of drunkenness, but also leads to nervous exhaustion of the co-dependent. He is always in a nervous strain. Constant shouts, quarrels, scandals lead to exhaustion!
Self-esteem falls rapidly. There comes a disappointment in their abilities. After all, progress does not come. Co-dependent women experience the syndrome of a bad wife, a worthless mother.
A prolonged stressful condition leads to the development of psychosomatic illnesses:
- migraine;
- poor sleep;
- spasms of muscles and vessels;
- infringement of functions of internal organs;
- hypertension;
- problems with the cardiovascular system.
Treatment
Since alcoholic codependence is a psychological state, its solution is in the mind of a person. There are no medications or physiotherapy for this ailment.
What to do with codependencies? The most important step in getting rid of codependence is the recognition of this dependence. Usually, like an alcoholic, the co-dependent does not see the presence of deviations in his behavior. He considers this to be his usual state or way of life.
After acknowledging and accepting a person's own codependence, he needs a qualified psychological help:
- individual visits to a psychologist;
- mastering of self-control methods;
- mastering of anti-stress skills;
- revision of problems in the family. A co-addicted person should see his problem from the outside, understand how to behave with an alcohol-dependent family member;
- communication with other co-dependent people. Group sessions are useful here.
How to fight and not give up
After taking a course of treatment with a psychologist or at a time, be sure to adhere to the following rules:
- Get rid of guilt. Often the drinker blames his addicts for their addiction.
- Remember: alcoholism is a disease. Do not believe, if the lover wants to drink tomorrow, then he promises to quit.
- Get rid of total control. Do not follow, do not pour demonstratively the contents of the bottle, do not take money away. It's a waste of time and energy! The boozer will only start deceiving, not bringing a salary home, drinking outside the house.
- Do not solve the problems of the amateur drink. Let him himself be responsible for actions committed in a drunken intoxication. Do not wash dirty clothes, do not give back debts, do not get out of the police station, do not cover for absenteeism at work. This creates additional comfort and aggravates an ill-fated habit!
- Do not treat alcoholism at home. Only specialized medical care in the forces can be cured of this disease!
- Be realistic. The problem of alcoholism itself will not work. We must act together!
- To love yourself. Do not need extra casualties. Do not waste your life fighting alcoholism. Devote it to your children!
It's better to get rid of co-dependency along with the course of treatment for alcoholism. Chances of recuperation increase 10 times! Joint treatment is conducted in such a way that the co-dependent person and alcoholic communicate as little as possible and are close. It is necessary to exclude co-dependent communication between people. This approach frees dependence, and a person turns into a confident and self-sufficient person. A person who has got rid of alcohol dependence needs support of a healthy and strong personality.
The best help, with the support of a person trying to quit drinking, is to find a super efficient program of assistance to SEBE.At the beginning of treatment for codependence, the following is necessary:
- to study the nature of the onset of alcoholism and codependence;
- master effective ways to overcome them;
- apply this knowledge to practice.
Completely eliminating ignorance in this issue, you can start treating codependency.
If despair comes
If it seems that all methods of fighting have been tried, but the result is not, then you need to leave. No matter how tragic it sounded! Leave to save your life! Do not spend your whole life in constant quarrels, pain and suffering.
The fact is that co-dependent people initially have more difficulty in fighting addiction. On their shoulders lie not only cares for a close family member, but their health suffers. People who suffer from co-addiction die earlier.
If a person suffers from co-dependency from the husband( wife) in the family, then it is difficult to leave. Especially if there are joint children. But this can serve as an impetus to action! Children are hard perceived by the constant squabbling of their parents. They lock themselves in themselves, learn badly, become rude, do not obey. And, after growing up, they can also become addicted to the bottle, since all life before their eyes was the example of parents.
When co-dependent on parents' alcoholism, it's a little easier to leave than in the first case, if the child can already provide for himself financially. He can take off his own shelter and not depend on anyone! It is necessary to minimize communication with grief-parents, and it is better to exclude it altogether. Maybe completely refusing to communicate with the son( daughter) will serve as a kind of push for getting rid of alcoholism.
Important! With the passage of time codependence will recede. But only in case the co-dependent himself has firmly decided: to leave once and for all!
Time runs imperceptibly, and, looking back, the co-dependent person has nothing to remember. Do not waste precious time on empty pleas, tears, pleas. Take Action! Now you know how to get rid of codependency!